13 hours trapped in a glass box with the muddled meanderings of my mind

Climb on in. Let's go for a ride.
Stay with me, this does have a point.
  This all started as I was moving to a new field. Most of the time we refer to the fields by the name of the landlord. So, this one's the Bywater field.
It's intriguing to me that, somewhere along the line, as the gene pool expanded, we found it necessary to take on a second name to differentiate between John, John and John, all of whom lived in the same village. So, son of John distinguished himself as such and became John Johnson the first. The son of John down the lane was then obligated to add a T so that people would know that he too was unique and special. Thus he became Mr Johnston. So, the afore mentioned Bywater's great¹⁰ grandfather must have lived near the lake when he felt the urge to set himself apart.
  But, consider the field I just left. Belongs to a Kowitz family. Some poor dairyman eons ago failed to make a name for himself and inadvertently left it up to his neighbors to decide. His neighbors were kindly folks but he was a bit of a buffoon and they whispered of striking similarities between him and his cows behind their hands. Not wanting to outright offend him, but wanting to draw a line between John the dairyman and John the undertaker, they twisted their nickname into something more palatable. Using a primitive form of Piglatin, they came to call him Cow-it's. There you have it.
  Back when this taking a last name thing was popular, there was a William. He had sons, they got caught up in the name game, and a clan of Williamsons were born. Some generations later there arose a bone of contention. One of the brothers got fed up with the hoity-toity, high collar, powdered-wig-sporting ways of his kin and made a break. This black sheep was William the fifteenth but everyone knew him as Wil. So, his offspring naturally became Wilsons. (No offense to any Williamsons out there. I'm sure we've buried our differences long ago. In fact, I can't even really remember what the feud was all about now.)
  The natural course in the name game was to latch onto a handle that you associated with- even if it was only that you lived by the water. But some, it would seem, drew letters from a hat to see what they would call themselves. I thought that might have been the case with my dear future children's mother's maiden name. But, on further reflection, I realized it wasn't so random after all.
  This tale begins with a very respectable couple who wanted their children to be recognized, set apart. It was time that they too joined in this latest fad of Last Names. As it stood, they were known fondly in the village as Mr and Mrs _________. But they were stymied, stumped as is often the case when searching for names. One day the broom salesman came knocking at their door (the precursor to the vacuum cleaner salesman). He asked whose door he had knocked at and Mrs. _________ replied, (for she it was who opened the door) "Ray and me." It was an instant success. (Don't groan yet, it gets better!!) The broom salesman was so overjoyed to have witnessed the birth of this new family name that he gave them the newest, top-of-the-line broom as a gift. This benevolent act led him to be known as Broomgiver, Mr Broomgiver. Broomgiver's distinction served him handsomely in the area of broom sales and he was able to indulge in philanthropy later in life. One of his contributions to society was the famous broom museum of London, known as Broom Hall. This association was more majestic than his humble beginnings and Broomhall soon replaced Broomgiver. It was later further refined and today his offspring are known as Bramhall. You might have heard of them.
  So, it would seem that the practice of new Last Names has died out and we insist on using the same old ones we've had for centuries. That's rather mundane. But I'm having a hard time (as sometimes happens when one is choosing names). Gordonson? Beakson? Sorry Dave, Davidson etc have already been well used. Maybe we should shoot for a hybrid. Willey? Ramwil? Ramwell? Somehow I'm not thrilled about where this is headed.
Perhaps we ought to just make a clean break. We could accept nominations and put it up to a vote.

Or perhaps we ought to just leave well enough alone.
I suppose some apple carts just don't need upsetting.